When I was 12, I took up ballet and had some real problems with eating. And it has never really gone away since. I've battled with kind of a cross between anorexia and bulimia for years. I used to starve myself when I was a teenager. I'd eat, like, an apple, and then I'd have peanut butter on it because I was just starving for protein, and then I'd make myself throw up because the peanut butter wasn't something I felt I could eat. Everything was about my appearance. The goal was to have the approval of everyone else around me, I think.
Every magazine that you pick up, even these teen magazines for adolescent girls, says, 'A hundred and one ways to get the guy that you have the crush on.' And it's very much about body image. The body image that society is selling now is horrifying to me. I think it's awful. I think it's abusive. I think it's damaging. It's hard to fight. It's just so all-consuming. I think food became a problem for me because if there was nothing else in my life that I could control, this was something I could control, That, you know, if I could just be thin enough and attractive enough, that all would be right in my world.
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All photos ©2010, Dan Habib |